Web Quiz Meme Extravaganza Blog Post Unit
Jul.09.2008
You’ve all seen quizzes like these around the web. You’re all guilty of wasting 5 minutes of your time to find out if you would make a good bullet sponge at a hippie convention. I decided to swoop in and figure out some other details about myself that are equally as important. You never know when you’ll need to be sure about the length of time you can survive trapped in your home, or what your exact caffeine level is. This stuff is science, people. Science. Proceed to learn more about me that you thought you would in a lifetime. Click any of the result boxes to take the quiz yourself. I’d love to see how we measure up. This may be the most important blog post I’ve ever made. Try and keep up.
This is one of the more useful of these quizzes I deem meme. When I was a babe I was always stumbling out of airlocks. It’s handy to know exactly how long I could survive were it to happen again, even if I didn’t have that “can breathe in space” power I’ve come to love.
Be aware that as you take this test, you’re not only testing your knowledge as an expert on the world’s robots, but also increasing the suspicion that you are a robot yourself. Everyone knows that robots are familiar with each other. If you see anyone with a percentage higher than mine (I am obviously not a robot), be on the lookout for other potential evidence that supports them being a robot, such as denying the existence of robots, or the consumption of old people’s medicine. Also, if you’re afraid of robot attack, I recommend Old Glory Robot Insurance.
Nothing says, “Hey everyone, I’m in the mood for social suicide,” like blatantly admitting you even know what a programming language is, let alone how many different languages you can visually identify. Even in today’s technically progressive world, the nerd is still a bit of a social outcast, having only recently climbed out of the “I don’t know what girls look like” pit and into the “circle circle dot dot” one. By my calculations, that puts us just above 4th graders, and likely in today’s sexually progressive world, behind a large portion of them. To draw your attention away from my this blight on my person, I direct your attention to these people. Not to trample on anyone’s hobbies or dreams, but holy crap, we need limits people.
Though this is handy to know, I’m not sure how accurate this test is, as I recently tried trapping myself in my apartment for 6 hours and nearly died. I think I might need to replace my A/C filter; I kinda thought the “Poisonous Shroud” brand might be a bit more than just an appealing name.
In case any of my ministerially-minded friends are considering a life of ministry to the Korowai tribe, I thought I’d include this one. I’m going to assume that the test is somehow aware of my lean build and took into account that they would likely turn me into strips of beef jerky. Hence the high-seeming number I could feed. I tell you, these quizzes are getting smarter every day.
I’m going to take the rant path with this one and say that I dearly hope that God’s power is not limited to clicking a mouse at an extremely high rate of speed. I would have preferred something like “Dear God, someone call an ambulance” or “This person is in need of divine intervention, or he will die due to heart palpitations and brain explosion.” That way you can bring God into it and more accurately classify a person with as much coffee in them as I often have.
The only reason I’m including this one is that expressing my actual opinion would be far too vulgar for the clean world wide web that we all live in and enjoy. I loathe myspace more than I can express with words. Some suggested reading, in case you desire more insight: The Psychology of Hate by Robert Sternberg (Ed.), Hatred: The Psychological Descent into Violence by Willard Gaylin, Why We Hate by Jack Levin, and I Hate The Sydney Roosters by Nick Politis. I will also take this time to once again recommend all my fellow Firefox users out there the best plugin yet made: Am I On Myspace? You’re welcome.
I was already aware that I can kick some serious ass, this test just confirms it. I could probably take out an entire classroom at just about any elementary school around. This is likely the most relevant quiz of all that I’ve listed here, as you never know when you’ll either need to reprimand a large group of 5 year olds (by kicking the sweet living crap out of them), or when a large 5 year old zombie uprising might occur. Be ready my friends. Be ready.
Tags: caffeine, cannibals, die myspace die, hate myspace, I hate myspace, josiah, Josiah Platt, kill myspace, myspace hatred, myspace vomit, quiz, quizzez
This be the commentary:
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CabeebJul.09.2008
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I got an 81% on the robot quiz, which means that I’ll notice sooner when the robots start to take over. And then when we all barricade ourselves into our homes, I’ll be able to survive 17 days longer than you. I just hope there aren’t any 5 year old robots, ’cause you got me completely beat on that one. Oh, and the programming languages. Which, I suppose could be used to argue the fact that after society is lied to waste during the robot attack, I’ll be more likely to procreate and help rebuild humanity.
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ShelbyJul.09.2008
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Well, I would survive 6 seconds less than you is space. Congratulations. We also have the exact same knowledge of robots. However I didn’t even bother clicking on the programming language one as I still have hopes of possibly kissing a real girl one day. My entire family could survive in our house for 81 days until we start eating each other in which case my father will probably be the victor and survive for well over 100. Which brings me to the next quiz at which I would only feed 13 cannibals which is odd to me when you look at us standing next to each other. Guess they don’t like fat. As for my caffeine test I was a vibrating crack addict. However I took the test with zero caffeine in my system and after I had just woken up so I’m a bit worried that I might have a multiple personality drug problem. Which brings me to the next test at which my computer simply started quivering and begged me to put the knife down at the mere mention of the word myspace. As for the five year old fight night. I figured, well, I’d never fight a group of 5 year old’s without the aid of my buddy Josiah. So I will just add our scores up. In which case we would be able to royally kick 66 5 year old’s asses. Good post, I’m a better man for it.
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TheCoolSideJul.09.2008
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1 minute 11 seconds in space
31% accurate in robot naming
25% programming language recognition
39 days of survival in my home
10 cannibals
High – Well Caffeinated & Easily Excitable
55% hatred towards myspace
15 five-year-oldsSee here’s the thing. Mine are boring results, because I was honest with the exception of saying I exercise. I was a college soccer player for 4 years, and I can’t let go of the fact that I’m not a true athlete anymore. Right or wrong, I’m taking it. Though you may render my words untrue, understand that my effort is not to look like an all around bad A, but to simply question the integrity of these quizzes. With that said, I’m going to make the following statements:
-I’ve taken on 20+ five-year-olds, along with a gym full of 6-14 year-olds (up to 120 of them).
-My body would likely feed zero cannibals, and for various reasons. The first and most obvious reason, I’m made of steel (actually a synthetic complex of modified steel content, titanium-like weight and cubic zirconium finish–this results in lower production costs, preservation of natural resources and all around versatility). The second reason my body would likely feed NO cannibals is the “Bambi” concept. Normally, most hunters wouldn’t have actually killed Bambi simply because of Bambi’s youth and downright cute-ness. It’s harder to destroy something when it’s just so darn precious.
-39 days of survival in my home doesn’t take into account the mental resources expended when living with the ‘rents (and 4 other people) after a 5-year term of collegiate independence.However, you accomplished your goal Josiah. I already commented.
Back by popular demand, I’ll be posting on my blog momentarily.
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JosiahJul.09.2008
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These are by far the three largest comments I’ve received. In order. Are you peoples having a competition?